Wow,
still so tired.
Wondering what might be wrong with me. Perhaps it is all the hope that seems to just evaporate from me minute by minute.... Ah, I was never a big fan of hope to begin with.
Vapidity.
Torpor.
that is what is left once hope is gone.

But it won't be like this for long,
another morning, another day dawns, and with it, hope shall be replenished.

9:25 PM, I have yet to eat dinner.
I was hungry when I got home, didn't find anything convienient to eat so I just ate some snacks.
I just had a cig, it made me feel sick and even more tired...
bah.

Been a bit edgy, of the late. I inadvertanly pissed off a friend, rather an acquaintance of mine, today. Some have been feeling the sharpness of my remarks.
Oh well, sometimes, I like being that way.
I guess I'm just a mean bastard.

4 more days remain at DuPont.
It has all gone by so fast.

I have a new idea brewing for a new webpage design...if I can carry it out, it would be great....
But often, I have such grand plans...and never start them...or even if I do, I don't follow it through.

----

Ugh.

Why must I feel this way?

As the days go by...
it does get easier. Does this mean my feelings were not genuine?
I wonder if she'd ever miss me.

I wonder too much. It's not very healthy.

----

Nonsense, Nonsense -
who would ever understand me, when I have trouble understanding myself.

ah...
I know now... I know what I am feeling right this moment,
I feel the sense of defeat.

I hate to say it, but a part of me welcomes the defeat, because I am tired. I want to take a nap on my bed for awhile...
but dammit, I'll still fight it.
I find it noble, to strive for an impossible goal, even if it means self-sacrifice...
most would just look at it as sheer, bull-headed stupidity and yeah, they are right too.
But, I admire it.

I am a stupid bull-headed man,
or rather,
a stubborn stupid-head.
Yeah, the latter sounded better, huh?

friggin alliteration.